Wee Love To Ride Our Bicycles…

oblivion_2013_v2So, you would have thought that with only a few days before we depart on our London 2 Brussels Charity Bike Ride, the conversation on the last training rides would have been all about the final preparations, kit, nutrition and route.

But no, this weekend especially, the dialogue has taken two very unexpected directions.

The first was that one member of the team decided that it would be a good idea to have a team ‘anthem’.

Johnny_Cash

So, instantly, a flurry of song ideas were floated and not one of the suggested tunes came from this century.

No. Ideas went from the seventies sublime to the ridiculous with a particularly depressing low point being the suggestion that we should all be cycling to ‘Hurt’ by Johnny Cash!!! It wouldn’t have been so bad, except no-one even suggested the classic Queen track ‘I want to ride my bicycle’.

But, in truth, this was eclipsed by the depths reached when the other topic surfaced.

It now has become apparent that, when we are planning a ride for the slightly older gentry, we need to allow extra time. Not because they ride slower, or because they struggle on the hills or as a result of falling off more often.

No – we need to allow extra time for extra pee breaks.TDF2008-FRA-CYCLING-FEATURE

One group did a 70 mile practice ride this weekend and probably stopped 8-10 times during the ride. This was synchronised slashing!! There are trees all over Surrey that were drowning under the deluge of penile perspirations!

I’m sorry to be so graphic, but really, is that where tour team talk has got to???

And what, you might ask, causes this phenomenal flow fiasco?Coffee Stop

Coffee – gallons and gallons of cappucino, double expresso and Americano. If it wasn’t a pee break, it was a coffee stop. Sometimes these even get combined into the same stop, but not often! Better to save it for a shrub later!

This doesn’t seem to happen to lady cyclists – do they have bigger bladders, or better bodily control – or is it more likely that they just refrain from indulging in more latte’s than you could swim in?

Peeing behind a tree

Who knows, but from here on in, if you see an older guy hurtling down a road singing Johnny Cash loudly, spare a thought for the poor soul as he is most likely try to find a shrub that he can hide behind that is not public and not prickly!!!

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